Life As I Know It...

When I began Doll Doll Dolly I had a clear idea of what I was going to do, make fashion accessories at a reasonable price. I made pretty things because I enjoyed the challenge and the process, however recently I have become bored and I feel like I have lost what my small business was all about.

I decided recently to explore my business and start writing a business plan, once I started writing I realised I had completely lost my direction. I guess DDD has evolved and changed, but it's not sitting well with me and I am uneasy about taking it forward. I posted up a Q&A and I got great feedback from all that took part, but it made my idea even cloudier. I have been looking at businesses that are similar to my idea and I am not sure it's the right time to start such a business. I am feeling lost and in a major predicament. Where do I go from here? Well, I have no idea! I know what I am good at, even if I don't always feel that way and I know what I am capable of.

I have so much to contend with in my life, I have been ill for over 10 years and I have always been determined to make something of myself despite my disability. I recently applied for a small job which is a big deal for me, it's unclear how I would cope, but I was confident that 8 hours a week would be fine. I felt I was over qualified for the job, I have the relevant experience, knowledge and enthusiasm. The interview was an eye opening experience, as soon as I mentioned my disability I was bombarded with questions! The saying 'A look says a thousand words' came to mind. I felt extremely uncomfortable and I knew sitting there it was a bust. This wasn't the first time this has happened to me, I applied for a small job over a year ago and I was told that I had better experience and knowledge, but they chose the other girl because she was 'reliable'. How is that suppose to be encouraging? Society still discriminates against illnesses they don't understand such as depression and chronic conditions. I guess I am better off where I am than working for someone who has a negative opinion of me.

I am determined to get better and be something other than 'the girl with m.e'. I have so much to give and all I want is an opportunity to show what I am capable of! Yes, it will be hard sometimes and I might fall down, but I will always come up fighting because that is my nature. I don't know why I wrote this post but I needed to get it all off my chest and maybe get some advice. I know I am not the only one this has happened to and I hope it may give them a little comfort. I don't know. I guess my next move is to start a business I can work around my illness... Wish me luck.